Christmas is all about family, friends, food, and fun. And we are here to add fun to your Christmas with these Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings. What is life? -A few years between your birth and death? Maybe, or maybe not. Maybe it is not in the years but the moments where you feel alive. And what is the better way to feel alive than laughing your heart out with the people you love on a Christmas Eve.
We all are living on the face of the earth, working, struggling, suffering, hustling, and then eventually we die. But what will we remember about our self when we will be on the death bed and what will other people recall about us when we die? We all will recall our position in society, the lavish or the poor life we spent, and other materialistic stuff. But what we will “love” about our self on the death bed is how happy we were. And what other people will “appreciate” about us after we are gone is how amazing we made them feel. So focus on being happy this holiday season, remember, a smile is contagious.
Focus more on the happiness, peace, and positivity part and you will never regret anything in your life. Celebrate your Christmas with love and with these Funny Quotes about Christmas that might bring a smile on your face:
Funny Quotes About Christmas
1. “Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?” – Unknown
2. “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin
3. “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” – Unknown
4. “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” – Unknown
5. “Once you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas.” – Unknown
6. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Unknown
7. “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White
8. “A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” – Melanie White
9. “One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” – Grace Kriley
10. “A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.” – Unknown
11. “The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.” – Bill Vaughan
12. “There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.” – Milton Berle
13. “It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” – Jimmy Kimmel
14. “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul
15. “Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.”- Charles M. Schulz
16. “We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” – Bill McKibben
17. “It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” – Craig Ferguson
18. “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman
19. “Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” – Stephen Fry
20. “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
21. “The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin
22. “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
23. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. – Winston Spear
24. “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
25. “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” – Maya Angelou
26. “The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” – Johnny Carson
27. “It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”- Milton Berle
28. “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” – Bob Phillips
29. “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson
30. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
31. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” – Bart Simpson
32. “Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” – Ellen Degeneres
33. “There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” – Kristen Wiig
34. “I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.” – Eloisa James
35. “My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White
36. “Christmas is such a carefree, low-pressure time-that’s one of the things I love about it. – Stephen King
37. “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” – Bridger Winegar
38. “Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.” – Melanie White
39. “I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough. – Bridger Winegar.
40. “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard
41. “Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” – Frank McKinney Hubbard
42. “Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” – Andy Borowitz
43. “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown
44. “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde
45. “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld
46. “Christmas is a race to see which gives out first-your money or your feet.” – Unknown
47. “Dear Santa, I was framed.” – Unknown
48. “Single all the way.” – Unknown
49. “Sleigh all day, then cabernet.” – Unknown
50. “Santa Clause wears a red suit. He must be a communist. And long hair. He must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe he’s smoking?” – Arlo Guthrie
51. “Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” – Stephen Jones
52. “Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home.” – Carol Nelson
53. “I just want to be rich enough to buy enough ornaments to cover more than one side of the tree.” – Charlotte Christmas
54. People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Anonymous
55. “I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.” – Earthman Adam
56. “Of course Santa is dead. You force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?” – Jimmy Kimmel
57. “More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” – Linda Sunshine
58. “Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn’t.” – Evan Esar
59. “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” – Robert Godden
60. “The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.” – Robert Rivers
61. “You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” – Kate Summers
62. “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’” – Bernard Manning
63. “Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.” – Unknown
64. “I wish we could put some of our Christmas spirit in jars and open one up every month.” – Unknown
65. “Let’s get lit.” – Unknown
66. “Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” – Larry Wilde
67. “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” – Garrison Keillor
68. “I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas.” -Frank Butler
69. “What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” – Don Marquis
70. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” -Shirley Temple
We are here to spread positivity with our every word this Christmas. And we hope you plan on spreading positivity and smiles too. Everyone is here, but what makes all the difference is the way you make other people’s life a bit better. That is all about life and the spirit of Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone.
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