55 The Office Quotes – Michael Scott Quotes From The Office

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I am sure ‘The Office’ is one of the best TV Shows of your life. Michael and his employees were known for their funny commentary that left viewers laughing, and, at times, shaking their heads. From Michael Scott to Dwight Schrute and the rest of the Scranton branch. read on for some of the most memorable, quotable lines from all nine seasons of The Office. As one of the most iconic shows of all time, with some of the most amazing characters of all time, it’s pretty obvious that The Office has more than a few quotable one-liners. Here are a few of the best The Office Quotes:

Best Quotes From The Office

  1. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 3: The Negotiation
michael scott quotes
The Office Quotes

2. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 1: Pilot

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3. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott (Season 5, The Duel)

4. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 4: Fun Run 

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5. “Oh! God, My mind is going a mile an hour.”

michael scott funny quotes
The Office Quotes

6. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked and enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 4: Fun Run (1)

7. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 4: Goodbye, Toby (1)

8. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 2: The Fight

9. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hard working.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 7: Training Day

michael scott quotes
The Office Quotes

10. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 4: Fun Run (1)

11. “My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people.” – Andy Bernard (Season 8, The Incentive)

12. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott (Season 6, The Chump)

13. “Last, and possibly least, you didn’t think we’d forget, “That’s what she said!” (Michael Scott, Too many times)

14. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 3: The Convict

funny office quotes
funny the office quotes

15. “I want you to rub butter on my foot…Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 2: The Injury

Funny Quotes From The Office

16. “If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus…Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 3: Beach Games

17. “My parents used to scramble to find babysitters, so they could take my little brother to do stuff.” – Andy Bernard (Ed Helms), The Office, Season 7: Andy’s Play

18. “If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 7: Viewing Party

19. “Well, Happy Birthday Jesus. Sorry, your party’s so lame.”

20. “I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”

Funny Quotes From The Office

21. “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”

22. “There are always a million reasons not to do something.” – Jan Levinson (Season 2, Boys and Girls)

23. “Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.” – Andy Bernard (Season 3, The Return)

Funny Quotes From The Office

24. “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight Schrute (Season 3, Business School)

25. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott (Season 4, Money)

26. “People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck.”  – Dwight Schrute (Season 9, The Farm)

27. “I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”

funny office quotes
Funny Quotes From The Office

28. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott 

29. “Joke’s on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist.” – Michael Scarn (Season 7, Threat Level Midnight)

30. “Oh my God it’s happening! Everybody stay calm. Stay f*cking calm!” – Michael Scott (Season 5, Stress Relief: Part. 1)

31. “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40 I had less money than I did when I was 30.” – Michael Scott (Season 6, Scott’s Tots)

32. “I. Declare. Bankruptcy!”

The Office Quotes by Michael Scott

33. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.’ – Wayne Gretsky’ – Michael Scott”

the office quotes
The Office Quotes Michael Scott

34. “I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” – Pam Beesly (Season 2, The Dundies)

35. “I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.” – Michael Scott (Season 6, Koi Pond)

36. “I am fast. To give you a reference point. I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.” – Dwight Schrute (Season 3, The Merger)

37. “It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong. And if you don’t like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife and I’ll say it to my next one, too.” – Stanley Hudson (Season 4, Did I Stutter)

38. “This is a dream that I’ve had…since lunch…and I’m not giving it up now.” – Michael Scott (Season 5, The Michael Scott Paper Company)

39. “In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all. It’s fear. Merry Christmas.” – Dwight Schrute (Season 7, Classy Christmas)

40. “Every so often, Jim dies of boredom.” – Pam Beesly  (Season 2, Office Olympics)

41. “Occasionally, I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”

office quotes
The Office Quotes by Michael Scott

42. “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

43. “The machine knows. Stop yelling at me!” “There’s no road here!”

44. “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?”

45. “My perfect Valentine’s day? I’m at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the fifty restaurant reservations I made over six months ago.” – Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson), The Office, Season 7: PDA

46. “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” – Kelly Kapoor (Mindy Kaling), The Office, Season 8: After Hours

47. “You are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real.” – Michael Scott (Season 4, Survivor Man)

48. “It is St. Patrick’s Day….It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 6: The Delivery (1)

49. “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office, Season 3: Grief Counseling

50. “They always say that it’s a mistake to hire your friends. And they are right. So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get!?” – Michael Scott (Season 5, The Michael Scott Paper Company)

51. “Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me unless I threaten to kill myself.” – Kelly Kapoor (Season 7, Classy Christmas)

52. “You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.” – Michael Scott (Season 5, Cafe Disco)

53. “I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.” – Kevin Malone (Season 4, Survivor Man)

54. “I don’t care what they say about me, I just wanna eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party.” – Pam Beesly (Season 4, Dinner Party)

55. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl, so I’m wise and have worms.” – Michael Scott (Season 2, Office Olympics)

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